Open For You
by Fridoline
Summary: Love can be filled with mistakes, regrets, hurt and heartbreak. Certain couples could sing a song about it. This is kind of an emotional recap of AkiHaru's journey from friends to lovers. Haruki POV


_Note:_

_This used to be a semi-songfic, including lyrics from Ben Platt's "RAIN"_

_Since I was made aware that having lyrics copied into my text is a violation of rules, I've removed them. The fic can be easily read without them and still makes sense._

_I kept the place-holders in case someone is curious and wants to read the lyrics alongside it._

* * *

_[First stanza]_

Haruki would have been willing to give anything, everything to Akihiko, but he never got the chance to even confess his feelings. Akihiko had known, all this time, he had teased him, touched him, whispered into his ears, knowing how Haruki felt about him and that night, that horrible night, he had thrown that knowledge right into Haruki's face.

It had hurt, so much, the way he was grabbed forcefully, violently pushed down, the words that were flung at him, being _accused_ of virginity by a gigolo as if that would have been something shameful if it were true. The outright humiliation of getting that long yearned for kiss stolen so cruelly from his lips, of the inability to move and resist.

Akihiko had stripped down Haruki's pants the same way he had ripped him off his sense of security. Shaking with fear and the feeling of Akihiko between his legs, Haruki's words pleading Akihiko to stop had finally died on his lips, making way for shameful moans of sorrowful pleasure.

This was wrong, so wrong. This was not his Akihiko, something was wrong with him. When Haruki finally had dared to look at his assaulter, the sheer agony and heartbreak on Akihiko's face had filled Haruki with so much pain that it left him utterly wretched. His soul was yearning to ease that anguish and Haruki couldn't help but reach out towards Akihiko, to beg him not to make that face, he implored Akihiko to confide in him, to share his burden and pain, and promised him that he would do anything for him.

Haruki had offered himself up on a golden platter, in that moment he did not care that things had been forcefully taken from him, he would have gladly given them willingly. All he had asked for in return was to be needed, to be relied on, to be trusted as a friend and to be given the chance to help him heal, whatever it was that was hurting Akihiko so much.

He never dared to ask for Akihiko's heart in return.

But he was rejected. And Akihiko shut down.

And it shattered Haruki's heart into a million pieces and left cracks in his soul that threatened to deepen with every breath he took. Akihiko had stuck his hand into Haruki's ribcage and pulled out his heart just to squeeze it dry and leave him bleeding out.

_[Second stanza]_

Haruki had known no greater misery in his life before and Akihiko's mumbled words of apology stirred the doused embers of his love and turned the charcoal into icy anger.

After way overstaying his welcome, Akihiko had possessed the audacity to ask Haruki for help. The one thing Haruki had offered up freely before, the one thing he had wanted Akihiko to ask him. But it did not sound as if he asked out of his own accord but because he had no other choice and Haruki was his last resort. He gave no deeper explanation than that he couldn't return to his housemate anymore and looked so forlorn that Haruki had no choice but to let him move in temporarily, even if all he wanted to do was kick him out right there and then. It was the worst.

But even when his cold ire took the place of his apathy, it did not take long for Haruki's feelings to warm up again. At first, Haruki felt that he had gotten the short end of the stick with this deal: he had to split up his apartment into different zones for each of them to use, retreat into his own bedroom for some privacy, had to endure the loud violin and drum practice that disturbed his own, much quieter bass practice and had to adjust to a whole new daily rhythm.

But Akihiko would insist to cook dinner for him, even if he came home late after a night shift and had to heat it up in the microwave. And when doubt and self-loathing threatened to push Haruki over the edge, making him want to disappear, Akihiko was right there to pull him out of it. Soon, he found himself falling into a comfortable rhythm with his new housemate and that weird new chemistry reflected in their band practice, when it was noted how well the bass and drum were syncing now.

Haruki learnt many new things about Akihiko, too, while living together. He saw his own misconceptions about his friend and had to admit that he had never really known Akihiko like this.

Unfortunately, the things he discovered made it even harder to hate Akihiko. And Haruki had tried so hard to cut off all his feelings along with his hair.

Under the lights of the far off fireworks on the balcony, Akihiko talked about a lover soon lost and a love turned into suffocating and in that moment Haruki felt that he could not possibly relate more to him right now. It was a weird kind of comfort, to be bound in a shared heartache. But he had never felt closer to Akihiko than then and somehow that felt like its own kind of achievement.

_[Third stanza]_

The day of their CAC entrance, Haruki noticed and recognized a certain dark-haired man in the audience. When Akihiko excused himself to rush after someone, Haruki was sure that he was running after that man. He didn't know what happened afterwards between those two and it wasn't any of his business, but Haruki knew that that Murata guy, the famous young violinist from their college, was the person who held Akihiko's heart in his hands.

Haruki had given up on his love for Akihiko, his rejection could not have been stronger and he was clearly still in love with someone else. But it wasn't possible to just get rid of his feelings for him that had piled up for years and only been rekindled during their time of cohabitation. It would take time to get over him.

Watching Akihiko leave the stage in a hurry to run after his love, Haruki felt pathetic and hopeless, yet he still rooted for Akihiko, since he truly cared for him as a friend and wanted him to find happiness.

When Akihiko moved out of Haruki's apartment only a few days later, it did not come as such a big surprise. He did not divulge much information, just that he definitely had a place to stay now and that things were taken care of. Haruki sent him off with his blessings. It was for the best for everyone but when Haruki stepped onto his balcony to watch Akihiko drive off on his bike, he felt a little lonely. He needed to get used to having his apartment to himself again.

_[Fourth stanza]_

Akihiko changed more and more over time. He came to practice sessions more prepared than ever and was usually the first to arrive at the studio, too. He had quit all his side jobs and spent more time on violin practice, Haruki kept seeing him on campus more often now.

It wasn't hard to put one and one together. Akihiko was facing his life head-on now, working through his problems, and there was only one person who could have inspired that change in him, a certain genius violinist.

Haruki was happy for him. He wanted to follow Akihiko's example and work harder, too, now. So he put his efforts into college and work and the band and social media…  
and it still could not distract him from that growing sadness.

Akihiko had grown distant. Sure, they still saw each other during band practice and joked around but it felt like Akihiko was slowly drifting away and Haruki was scared to lose his friendship, too, now.

He never addressed his concern with him, though. It wasn't his place to meddle in Akihiko's business and he seemed to determinedly be working his way towards something. Haruki decided to stop worrying about things he couldn't influence and focussed on himself for a change.

The New Year arrived quietly and Haruki started playing support in Aya's band and even performed with them a few times at events.

_[Fifth stanza]_

It was one sunny spring day when Mafuyu dragged Haruki to a violin contest that Akihiko was participating in and Haruki had known nothing of. When it was Akihiko's turn, Haruki was overwhelmed by the passion behind his solo performance.

The vibration of the strings produced a heart-wrenchingly beautiful sound and Haruki could not pull his eyes off Akihiko's figure on stage. He had heard him practice the violin quite often at his apartment but it had never sounded like this. It felt like Akihiko was playing right on the strings of his heart. Haruki felt his throat close up and his eyes threaten to water. It was too much. His broken heart was overflowing and leaking and Haruki had to flee the concert with a quick, desperate lie to Mafuyu about not feeling well. It might not have been too far from the truth, though.

Haruki ran away, terrified. He hopped on a train and got off at his station, walking along the river bank for a bit before sitting down, trying to calm his pounding heart. Haruki was scared. And hopeless. So hopelessly in love. Instead of slowly falling out of love with Akihiko, Haruki kept falling more and more for him.

He had tried to keep his feelings in check, to put a lid on them, but it was useless. He was an idiot.

Defeated, Haruki was fiddling with his phone, contemplating texting Mafuyu an apology. He did feel rather bad about leaving him behind like that.

Akihiko appeared out of nowhere, agitated and flustered. He did not leave Haruki any time to be surprised or wondering how he had found him so fast or why he was here in the first place. Their talk was awkward. Akihiko was embarrassed that Haruki had come to see his performance, Haruki thought it was cool and asked what the outcome of the competition was. He congratulated him on an amazing fourth place but Akihiko did not seem to be that satisfied with his achievements but he was thankful for the sentiment anyways.

Then Akihiko just suddenly blurted out that he had broken up with his boyfriend. Haruki froze. He didn't understand. Hadn't Akihiko moved out that fast because he had returned to his lover? The question bubbled out of him and Akihiko explained that he had gotten in contact with his absent parents and begged them for financial help.

Haruki still couldn't follow. He had thought that Akihiko had picked up his violin again because of that Murata guy but instead he had wanted to face the instrument he had given up on and wanted to see how far he could go with it, test out his own limits.

With each answer from Akihiko, Haruki was growing more confused. His long held worry spilled out of him. Why had Akihiko been so withdrawn? Why had he changed so much? Haruki had missed him, had missed talking so freely to him like this, without restraint and distance.

Akihiko snapped, sprang up and told him to shut up and in his outburst let it slip that he had changed to become a better man, a man that would be deserving of him.

The world stopped to a screeching halt. Haruki just stared at Akihiko in shock for a couple of seconds, unblinkingly. Then his words and their meaning slowly sank in and a blush spread across his face. Haruki curled in on himself, unable to form any coherent thought or reply. He hid his face behind his arms, a protective barrier.

Haruki was scared, he was overwhelmed, his heart bursting at the seams. He didn't want to get hurt again, was terrified to offer himself up once more just to be rejected. But Akihiko's voice was so soft and vulnerable when he called his name. Why did his fingers tremble so much? Why did Akihiko sound so scared when he asked Haruki, if it was ok to touch him? It wasn't fair.

He wiped away the tears that had spilled out of his eyes and nodded his approval. Akihiko hugged him close, his embrace was warm and gentle and a bit desperate, his confession tender and genuine. He asked Haruki to go out with him. And it hurt, but in the good way, in a healing way. And Haruki's heart broke again, cracked open to let Akihiko inside once more.

In Haruki's silence Akihiko pleaded for a second chance, while admitting that he might hurt Haruki again, even if he did not want to and that he would probably not deserve him. But he wanted him and Haruki wanted to be in love with Akihiko, so he gave him his bruised heart and his second chance with a smile so soft and tender, and warm, amber eyes overflowing with love.

_[Sixth stanza]_


End file.
